Oh so Pr;celess

Good evening friends! it’s been a hot minute since I’ve blogged but this week has been kind of a crazy one.

Starting around age 7, both actions and words from multiple people throughout my life have made me feel worthless, unloveable, unwanted, dirty, and used. The first being a family friend who turned out to be my rapist when I was 7 years old; continuing to effect my life today, the most recent a guy I was talking to for a few weeks, and many in between. My story hasn’t been easy but I’ve said for as long as I can remember that if my hurts help even one person everything would be worth it. I post about my pain, my story, my struggles not to receive pity, that’s the last thing I want. But instead in order to inspire and encourage people with similar struggles.

6 years ago I saw For King And Country for the first time. I grew up loving their sister Rebecca St. James’ music but fell absolutely in love with them, not just their music, but their passion and their mission to tell women that we deserve respect and honor, that we are priceless. A week ago I got to see them for the 6th or 7th time but this time was a little different. Everytime they’ve put on a fantastic performance and their song and story behind Priceless moved everyone to tears, but this time I needed the reminder even more, after confronting my rapist about a month ago and in the middle of an investigation, waiting for what comes next memories, nightmares, PTSD, and feelings have come back in full swing, harder than usual.

My sister captured a picture of enjoying the show, enjoying the reminder that I am Priceless, and it just happened to include my tattoo; inspired by their Priceless movement (the semicolon in place of the i for Suicide awareness, used when an author could’ve ended the story but chose to continue (something I’ve struggled with for years), the teal ribbon for sexual abuse survivor, and the purple ribbon for domestic abuse survivor.) I never imagined that For King And Country would see it or post it. I never imagine it would get over 24,000 likes, but I really never imagined that I would get multiple stranger reaching out to me, telling me that my tattoo inspired them, asking me my story and sharing theirs. One person even said that they felt so alone and seeing my tattoo alone let them know that they weren’t.

I am constantly amazed at God and how he uses people’s stories, struggles and pain for His greatness. Keep working God, I trust you. The things that have been done and said to me are not ok, but I’ve forgiven the people, and I am grateful for the strength and opportunities I’ve had because of my pains.

If you are struggling with the same feelings of worthlessness, remember that God sees you as worthy, pure, wanted, dressed in white, a rose in bloom, loved, clean, new, restored and oh so Priceless.

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Valentine’s Day♥️

Today is my second Valentine’s Day being single since I was in 8th grade, and while watching everybody get flowers, chocolates, stuffed animals, and jewelry from their significant others, makes me miss having a romantic relationship. This is still one of my favorite holidays (although pretty much every holiday is my favorite). But this holiday is all about love (duh), not just a romantic love, but showing love to your friends and family a little more than usual. My number one love language for showing love is gift giving (which is probably why I love holidays so much), so having a day that’s all about showing love and giving gifts, I’m all about it.

But there is one thing that makes me love Valentine’s Day, a day all about love even more, and it’s no small thing. It’s the fact that the creator of the universe loves me enough to die for me, he loves me enough to show off for me with his artwork; sunsets, sunrises, stars, the snow, leaves, trees, and flowers. He made so many beautiful colors just for us to enjoy, to remind us he loves us, he’s thinking about us, and that he is here with us. He is and always will be my first love, he has never nor will he ever leave me, even though I have left him countless times. He will never hurt me, he will never hit me, he will never lie to me, he will never abuse me in any way, he will never break a promise, he will never change his mind, he is always protecting and thinking of me. And guess what, he is doing the exact same thing for you! He loves us so much he sent his only son, the only person that has or will ever walk the earth and be completely sinless and yet he died a death meant for the lowliest of sinners, for us. He is always there for us.

God is Love (1 John 4:8) and “love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.”  (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

So whether you’ve found the one whom your soul has longed for (Song of Solomon 3:4), or whether you are as single as can be, you already have the greatest love that exists. Remember that this Valentine’s Day and show that same love to the people around you.

If this day is hard for you know you are loved, but know that you are here for a purpose, you belong, you are wanted, you are enough. If you are struggling please seek help from a trusted friend or mentor or call the number listed below for the national suicide hotline. please stay, please keep fighting.

National suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255

You Are Enough.

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Good mornin’ y’all!

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve blogged, in fact it hasn’t been since last year (sorry I had to say it, even though its a not funny, overly used New Year’s pun). But I truly hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s. I also hope your 2018 is off to a wonderful start!

I got a new mug this weekend (pictured above), and it inspired this post. The Lord used this mug, in a store to get a hold of me because I had distanced myself from Him for a couple of weeks and wasn’t listening to Him. Isn’t it funny what God uses to reach us sometimes, because we wont listen and then get mad at Him for being ‘distant’.

.Something that I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember is trying to be enough for everyone around me. I’ve never felt like I could achieve that. I was trying to please my parents, my teachers, my sister, my friends, my grandparents, my church, The Lord, and I always came in last. I also let what others said and thought of me and what they did add to my feelings of not measuring up to everyone’s expectations.

I’ve connived myself that the reason people acted a certain way is because I wasn’t good enough, I was asking for too much, I was too clingy or too annoying. I thought this earlier this week and my sister sent something to me that said, “You aren’t asking for too much you just aren’t asking the right person.” That really hit home and made me stop and think, God created me and gave me my personality, I am the only me, so if somebody doesn’t think I’m good enough why should I care? Nobody can please everybody all the time, and that is ok! Because the only person who’s approval we need is God’s and He gave it to me when I ask Jesus to be my savior, and He will give it to you if you do the same. And the one and only person we should be concerned about pleasing is God.

Naturally we are going to want to please our friends and family, and that is good and healthy to an extent, because we respect them and we are supposed to obey. But if it is constantly draining and you feel like you can never measure up, look upand remember that God  says you were bought by His one and only son’s blood and that is enough! You are enough! No matter what anybody says or does (Ladies did you hear me?! NO MATTER WHAT A GUY SAYS OR DOES YOU ARE ENOUGH!) No matter what you have done, or what has been done to you, and if somebody doesn’t agree then they just aren’t the right person. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works,which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesian 2:10

In the past year and a half I have especially struggled with wondering if I could ever be good enough for my church or my family, but especially if I could ever be good enough to meet a wonderful Christian man to fall in love with and have a family with. After all I’m not the ‘perfect’ christian girl everybody thought I was. I’m too much to handle, after all I have depression, anxiety, PTSD, Rheumatoid Arthritis, not to mention, I didn’t save myself for marriage, I’ve had a miscarriage and I was raped. I am broken, could I ever be good enough for a good man to want me? the answer is, of course! Because we all make mistakes, we all have things we regret, we all have baggage, we are all cracked or broken and if the creator of the universe  who has never sinned can look at me and say: I forgive you, I want you, I love you, I fixed you, I made you clean, you are redeemed. Then so can any human, even though I know that sometimes it’s still hard to believe. But it is true for me and for you, all you need is God. Below is the link to one of my favorite songs, Jamie Grace’s “Daughter of the King” the first time I heard this song I started sobbing because sometimes I get so caught up this world that I forget God isn’t just my savior, He is my daddy, and The King of Kings making me that daughter of a King and you too (son is you are a guy).

I hope that this reminded you, that you are enough and you are not alone.

Love y’all!

~Noelle

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Finding Peace

Happy Wednesday friends!

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“The Beauty of Your Peace” by Tim hughes 


I hope y’all had a great week! This week has been a little crazy for me, I left camp on Thursday and immediately came back to Manhattan and started my job as a nanny for triplets the next day. Between figuring out my new job, getting my room and house organized I feel like I haven’t had to time to stop and think and when I’ve had time to rest I haven’t been good about doing my devotions, which leads to me feeling drained and stressed.

Yesterday morning on the way to work I was stressed and in a hurry, the sun was just starting to rise and it was absolutely beautiful. Even though the drive was kind of crazy and stressful because I was running a little late, as soon as I saw the sunrise I was reminded to be still and remember how good our God is. I was still driving, but I found peace and comfort in God’s artwork this morning. The rest of the day was pretty chill, I was able to start organizing my room but I did it at a rather slow pace while listening to worship music and once again I was able to enjoy peace that only comes from God. And in the evening I got to catch up with a friend while relaxing and getting our nails done, the entire day was filled with a peace that can only come from God.

The past few months have been crazy and the opposite of peaceful but when I took the time to seek out peace it was always right there, even sometimes when I didn’t take the time to look for it God gave it to me through sun rises, or a starry night.

Whatever you are going through, no matter how crazy your life is right now, take a second and find peace in Christ, whether that is through a sunrise on the way to work or a good Godly conversation with a pal, take the time and find it, because for a lot of people this season is one of the craziest and in the crazy we need rest and peace, the Lord will meet you where you are, but sometimes you have to seek Him out. Along with finding peace remember to have time alone with The Lord and rest in Him, because it is so so important.

 

Love y’all!

~Noelle

Reading The Christian

 

C.S Lewis 

Good morning friends! I hope that y’all’s week has been great and you have remembered  to enjoy every second as though it is your last.

My senior year of high school we had to come up with a senior quote to put under our picture in the yearbook. As I was researching quotes I came upon one that quickly became my motto, “Out of 100 men, one will read the bible the other 99 will read the Christian.” D.L. Moody. I think that this is an important quote because we as Christians need to live like we have something different, because we do, but also because people are watching us wanting to know what’s so special about us, why they need Jesus.

If we are walking around just like everybody else, living like we don’t have Christ. There is nothing different about us, and there is no apparent reason for people to come to know Jesus. We are told to be in the world but not of it. So be in the world, but be different, be a light.  Of course we are going to have our flaws, we all sin. But we should let God shine through our hard and broken times, that’s what makes us different.

So shine bright, because somebody is probably watching you and reading you, let them see Him.

Romans 12:2


Love y’all

~Noelle