Good morning pals! I hope y’all’s week has been wonderful!
Depression, in the church a lot of the time it is kind of a taboo subject, but it shouldn’t be. It’s real, it’s an illness, and it sucks…a lot. It can make you feel numb, hopeless, completely unmotivated, unworthy, unimportant, not good enough; it can make getting out of bed, showering, brushing your teeth, eating, walking up a flight of stairs, talking to another person, doing simple tasks all seem like an impossible mission. Bad dark spells can last for hours or even months.
This week and especially weekend my depression was the worst it had been in a very long time. This weekend I was completely alone, which triggers my depression so add that to an already rough week, it got so bad that I was actually fearful I wouldn’t make it through. I’ve struggled with self harm since I was 12, and haven’t cut in almost a year but I was very tempted to this weekend. On Sunday I decided that I was going to shower and get dressed and go on an adventure even if I was alone (which I turned out to be), because usually both showers and adventures help. I decided to drive around KC until I found something pretty to take pictures of (I’m attempting get into photography) I ended up finding a cool area downtown, I was up on a bridge taking pictures and I strongly considered jumping off, but praise the Lord I didn’t, praise the Lord that every person that I care about ran through my head, praise the Lord that I saw a little girl looking up at me taking pictures, praise the Lord I saw a butterfly that made me remember how beautiful God’s artwork is. Right after I got off the bridge, I ended up running into one of my friends. He had no clue that I was struggling, or what I had come so close to doing moments before, but just seeing someone that I knew cared about me was a total God send. I still was not doing well at all when I got back to camp, so I texted a woman that the same friend had suggested I meet with, because she mentors young ladies. She talked with me and prayed over me/with me and y’all I have never felt the Holy Spirit like that before. The Lord is good and he knew exactly what I needed even at my darkest times, ever since she prayed over me I have been filled with joy and peace that can only come from the Lord.
Whatever you are going through please know the Lord is there, please know that God is good, and only good things come from him, illness is bad and therefore pray to the Lord for him to take it away, in the name of Jesus, and believe that He will do it. “Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” Mark 11: 23-24
Also if you are struggling with depression or thoughts of self harm Please stay, please know you are loved, that you are enough, please know that you are here for a purpose if you are struggling with that (or any thing else for that matter) I would love to pray for you/with you. You can message me on Facebook Noelle Joy Burke.