Every year we set aside one day to thank all of the mothers in our lives, it’s a very important day, but also a hard day for many. Some have lost their mothers, some don’t have a relationship with theirs, some have been hurt so deeply by their mom that watching all the happy moms and kids is like pouring lemon juice into a cut, some of them know it’s their last Mother’s day with a mom or as a mom, and some are mothers without their babies because they gave them up for adoption, they were taken away, or because they’re fighting for our freedom, or maybe their babies (no matter what age their child was when they died) live in heaven.
For those of you that have read my story that I posted a few weeks ago, or if you know me in person, you probably know that this day is hard for me, because in October of 2015 I had an early miscarriage. I am not proud of the fact that I had sex before marriage, and so I hid my miscarriage from most people for over a year. But I realized we all have our mistakes and they are part of our story so I begin sharing mine. I didn’t know I was pregnant beforehand,and so I didn’t get to know my baby and because of that people have told me I don’t get to grieve, or ask me why do I even care? One person in particular made me feel (and even told me I was) crazy for caring, and for naming a baby I never met. But let me tell you why I get to grieve, and why I care, because I believe life starts at conception and therefore even though I didn’t know until it was too late, I had a baby which makes me a mom. Because of that I named my baby, Davin Autumn which means much loved, born in the fall. I’ll never know if my baby was a boy or a girl, if they would have been tall or short, what their laugh or cry would’ve sounded like. But I know this, I love them with all of my heart, even though I didn’t get to meet them, even though they live in heaven.
Because my miscarriage was so early, and because I didn’t tell many people, I had no closure. But a couple of weeks ago my sweet and talented roommate helped me get a little bit. I released some balloons with a letter to my sweet baby and some bible verses attached, and my roommate photographed it. Whether Davin can see them or not I don’t know, but I know that it helped me, I know that it was therapeutic for me . Now I have a little bit of closure (all that I will ever get).
So there’s some more of my story, I hope that if today is hard for you, you will reach out to a friend and not be alone, if you need to talk please know that I am here for you God gave me 2 pretty great ears, whether I know you or not. Below is a song that I love by JJ Heller called “Oliviana” https://youtu.be/fFh2RloTtpY
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4
To all the mommies, happy Mother’s day just in case nobody tells you
Much love to all y’all💛❤️