Good evening friends! it’s been a hot minute since I’ve blogged but this week has been kind of a crazy one.
Starting around age 7, both actions and words from multiple people throughout my life have made me feel worthless, unloveable, unwanted, dirty, and used. The first being a family friend who turned out to be my rapist when I was 7 years old; continuing to effect my life today, the most recent a guy I was talking to for a few weeks, and many in between. My story hasn’t been easy but I’ve said for as long as I can remember that if my hurts help even one person everything would be worth it. I post about my pain, my story, my struggles not to receive pity, that’s the last thing I want. But instead in order to inspire and encourage people with similar struggles.
6 years ago I saw For King And Country for the first time. I grew up loving their sister Rebecca St. James’ music but fell absolutely in love with them, not just their music, but their passion and their mission to tell women that we deserve respect and honor, that we are priceless. A week ago I got to see them for the 6th or 7th time but this time was a little different. Everytime they’ve put on a fantastic performance and their song and story behind Priceless moved everyone to tears, but this time I needed the reminder even more, after confronting my rapist about a month ago and in the middle of an investigation, waiting for what comes next memories, nightmares, PTSD, and feelings have come back in full swing, harder than usual.
My sister captured a picture of enjoying the show, enjoying the reminder that I am Priceless, and it just happened to include my tattoo; inspired by their Priceless movement (the semicolon in place of the i for Suicide awareness, used when an author could’ve ended the story but chose to continue (something I’ve struggled with for years), the teal ribbon for sexual abuse survivor, and the purple ribbon for domestic abuse survivor.) I never imagined that For King And Country would see it or post it. I never imagine it would get over 24,000 likes, but I really never imagined that I would get multiple stranger reaching out to me, telling me that my tattoo inspired them, asking me my story and sharing theirs. One person even said that they felt so alone and seeing my tattoo alone let them know that they weren’t.
I am constantly amazed at God and how he uses people’s stories, struggles and pain for His greatness. Keep working God, I trust you. The things that have been done and said to me are not ok, but I’ve forgiven the people, and I am grateful for the strength and opportunities I’ve had because of my pains.
If you are struggling with the same feelings of worthlessness, remember that God sees you as worthy, pure, wanted, dressed in white, a rose in bloom, loved, clean, new, restored and oh so Priceless.